I swear, I raised her better than this.

I'm cooking dinner right now (pot roast), and my 10 y/o son Z just brought me his 14 y/o sister's case, that she and her friend apparently got artistic with. I'm planning to kill my daughter tonight, after her shower. Because I want a clean corpse.

Z: "Bwaahahahahahaaaa!!!!! Look at this!!! Look what J did!  Haahahaha!!!!!"

Me: *gritting my teeth* "Wow. Huh. I don't even know what to say."

Z: *wiping tears away* "Baahahaha!!!! A BELLY RING!!!"

ME: "Ha! That's SO INAPPROPRIATE!!! Haha!!!"

Then he walked away.

You get to live, J. Tonight.

Fwd: fwd: fwd: fwd: I hate my autistic daughter

I belong to a few closed and/or secret groups regarding Autism and other disabilities. Last night, someone in one of my groups posted the below clip, and several of the moms in my group were dismissive of this mother. They called her names like "bitch", "heartless bitch", "psycho", more. But an equal number of members came to the defense of this woman. Not in defense of her actions, mind you, but seeming to understand how a mother could reach this breaking point.

So, I watched the clip, and I'm trying to figure out how I feel/what I think. It was hard to watch, because I knew that if she was publicly admitting to pushing her daughter and "hitting her on the arm", the odds were that she'd done much worse. Also, WHERE THE FUCK IS THE DAD?? I'm pretty sure that child has half his DNA, so he needs to get his ass of the couch and do his part. Overall, I can't completely condemn this lady, because Thank God She had the courage to come onto national t.v. and admit her feelings before she ended up possibly killing her child.

I sort of feel like we're putting special needs parents like this in a double bind. On the one hand, we want these parents to ASK FOR HELP. We say it all the time. "If only s/he had told someone!" Or, "Holy crap, autism wrecks yet another family." Then everybody nods and posts "heart" and "hug" emoticons. Someone else puts up a Facebook page in memory of the child. We hold virtual hands and sing "Kum-bay-ya" by the firelight. Then we snuggle deep into our covers, secure in the knowledge that we would never even consider that as an option. And if when have felt these emotions, we post about it, showing that we've been there.

In NO WAY am I belittling or judging anyone who has done of the above. We all come here via different paths. I'm just pointing out a general trend as I've noticed it.

On the other hand, when these parents DO ask for help, knowing they will be judged, they find themselves at the center of a public stoning. These parents, warts and all, let it be known that they have reached their limit. They somehow finding the courage to express their innermost thoughts, fears, emotions, and personal stories, and in turn, we hurl invectives, pass judgement, and point fingers. If we want things to change...really change, we can't continue to send such mixed message to those of us who are, deep down, fighting the very same fight we are, and expect anything to change for the better.